We'll give you 24. Wow, you really have to hand it to ticket inspectors. The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you. Why do trains take so long to arrive on Halloween? When he got in he said to the ticket man, Sir, I really need you to do me a favor. the crossing lights start flashing in your review mirror and you make a U turn to be first in line at the grade crossing. Follow the tracks. Q: Why was the Model Railroader tossed out of the party?A: He spiked the punch. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: I wouldnt eat that if I were you.Why not? replied the curious brother.I took one bite and went blind for half a minute., 59. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. I once asked a conductor how many times a train he was on had gotten derailed. And all you sons of bitches who are. A railfan was walking along the tracks when he came across an old lantern covered with ash and dirt. Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. Knock, knock!Whos there?Quintus.Quintus who?Quintus the next train leave?Knock, knock!Whos there?Alpaca.Alpaca who?Alpaca the suitcase, you see what time the train leaves.Knock, knock!Whos there?Betsy.Betsy who?Betsy of all, the train ticket says first class.Knock, knock!Whos there?Chew.Chew who?You sound like a chew-chew train.Knock, knock!Whos there? Railroad workers need to be sure they always keep their train of thought, or else they might go down the wrong track and get someone hurt.It was exhausting to listen to the conductors argument because she had a one-track mind. Here are 10 Spanish jokes guaranteed to get a laugh. I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting side tracked. All rights reserved. Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. You were going 65 mph and the speed limit is only 60 mph, I saw it myself on the speedometer in the business car! After a heated exchange, the engineer finally said you couldnt possibly have been going 65, my speedometer said 60 mph and we never saw you go by us!, 79. Being a train driver is more difficult than it looks. And you didnt! This is an absolute requirement if youre actually on a train, but dont be afraid to randomly bring one of these up in casual conversation as well (maybe when youre meeting the parents). 44. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how hed done it. Every time the train stopped at a station he faced many problems, as all shops to purchase eatables were far off. Q: Whats the difference between a teacher and a train guard?A: One trains the mind, the other minds the train. You have a locomotive. Q: Why is the track gauge 4 8-1/2 wide?A: Because it is the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress. I used to be a railway engineer but I kept losing my train of thought and going down the wrong track. It was enough to drive you loco.I wanted to put together this list of funny train puns a while ago, but I just kept getting sidetracked.What do you call a sick locomotive?A train with a coal-d.How do you make the locomotive Olympics?Train really hard.The cops were investigating the recent theft of a train.They suspected the culprit had a locomotive.Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning.Right at the track of dawn.Driving trains is a lot more difficult than it steams.The train company had safety issues for years but was always able to cover its tracks.When things look bad you just have to keep calm and carriage on.The conductors mailbox is always stuffed with letters. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? It leaves tracks. A single banana, he says. Did you hear that theyre making a new fuel additive out of grapes in France?Yeah, they call it Vin Diesel. He lost on points. I've always been driven by the joy of monorails. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive?A: The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says Choo Choo Choo!. On inquiry she found that the actual town of Jamestown was some 2 miles away from the station.Why did you not build the station closer to the town? She yelled at the station master.Well at first, we thought the same, said the station master, but then, we decided to build the station near the railway line!, 52. 17. But, probably youve never seen these knock knock train jokes that will make you laugh! All Rights Reserved. Just then the husband walks in. Always keep an eye on train puns, they can go off the rails without warning! A: A jellicopter! The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks. Yo mama so dirty, a pressure washer couldn't even get her clean. The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, Shes beautiful, isnt she?. youve been questioned more than once by the police asking, What are you doing parked by the tracks?. This collection of train jokes are clean and safe for kids of all ages - and we're adding new jokes all the time. Theyre not the conductor. Sure hold on a second., The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, Im sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train., The man says, I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook.. This train doesnt even STOP in Victoria!, 60. Q: There was a train with passengers inside. It had forgotten the words.Why do you have to wait longer for a train on Halloween?Because they run a skeleton service.Did you hear about the Mexican train hijacker?They say he had locomotives.Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?The teacher says, Spit out your gum, but a train says, Chew chew!Why are dolphins so smart?Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!What do need in order to crash a train?A bad track recordTo become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. The train for Beanotown is about to depart, calling at Mirth, Merriment and Rolling-on-the-Floor. If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down. A: Because people are always crossing it! The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?" Happy got out, so she started feeling Grumpy. My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying Here comes the train, and we always used to eat it straight away. They have a red caboose! 41. Unfortunately, he lost on points. We think this is because theres something about trains that appeals to everyone on a very childlike level. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train. Why did the ghost get fired from his job at the railroad? A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. Location: Melbourne, Australia. The train departed. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. you have a scanner in your car tuned to the train channels to have a heads up on their locations to intercept them at crossings. It comes in a variety of sizes from Small to 3X-Large and is made 100% out of cotton. Its a slowcomotive.Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. Because they arent conductors.How did the locomotive get so good at its job? 75+ Dirty Yo Mama Jokes That Always Get A Laugh in 2023 Later, as the man had said, he did fall asleep, and when he woke up he realized he was in Frankfurt. Now that you have a handy list of train puns and train jokes at your disposal, its time for you to share them with whoever will listen! They strap him in, pull the switch, and nothing happens. Top 1: Train Wreck This Isnt Your Station. The T-shirt is made of ring-spun cotton, which makes it both light and breathable. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. He knocked on the restroom door and said, Ticket, please. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. 70. 71. Here comes the choo choo train!. You did superbly under cross-examination.Thanks, he said, but he sure had me worried.Hows that? the lawyer asked.I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!, 56. If you're not offended easily, these dirty jokes from Ask Reddit will have you busting a gut laughing. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. He said, Im not sure, its hard to keep track.Went to a railway fancy dress party. Look at that S car go!. They were still arguing when the train hit them. 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face To those people who play loud music on the train, I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago. "Because I put on the wrong sock this morning." brutalanglosaxon 2. 34. They suspected the culprit had a locomotive. You can see its tracks! How does a train avoid detection? Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! Q: What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?A: Oh good! Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning? Realist sees light from incoming train. Dont be afraid to bring one up randomly in casual conversations as well (like when youre meeting parents). One of them said its a deer. The other said it No its a coyote. The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country.Say what you want about Hitler at least he got the trains to run on time.A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and There is a Train in the distance about to hit both of them. Train Jokes - Puns And One Liners They can just keep chugging. One trains the mind, the other minds the trainsI know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. It was an ex-press train. 61 Funny Sleep Puns And Jokes You Need To See, 101 Rock Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 100+ SMore Puns & Jokes That Are The Perfect Treat, 31 Balloon Puns & Jokes That Are Seriously Funny, 19 Box Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny, 32 Snail Puns & Jokes That Are Actually Funny. 114 Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Guarantee a Good Time Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. Everyone was wearing platforms.Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. Watch and youll see, answered an engineer.When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another nearby. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. Were on to you, now. 3,045. How do you find a missing train? Its just fun to play them! The ex-press train.Why cant train engineers get electrocuted? The train conductor was a very sneaky woman, she always had a track or two up her sleeve. at gas stations you climb out the cab window and up over the back of the truck to get to the gas cap. Choose your size on Amazon. Choose your size on Amazon! I like to share a train pun or one-liner. The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears." I always like chewing gum on the train. The men, charmed by this young college girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. 2. Me: The station You can do it. 95. Being a conductor is more difficult than it looks. 60 Rib-cracking Electrician Jokes To Light Up Your Mood Last Updated on March 6, 2023 Table of Contents Funny Electrician Jokes Wrap Up Electrical job isn't all fun and games. He tried to cover his tracks. Hes made it! He lost on points. Q: Why did the geared locomotives never marry?A: They were the only ones never coupled, 66. ; A Train: A Train may refer to: The A (New York City Subway service) A Division (New York City Subway) A-train (Denton County), line in Texas A-Train (JR Kyushu) . 41 Hilarious Dirty Jokes to Laugh Your Heart Out (NSFW) - Witty Companion His mum says from the storks. 68. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. All three fork over the money. I like to share a train pun or one-liner. I had a friend who quit his gig as a newspaper reporter and took a train out of town. 20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile | Beano.com Train drivers are quite clever and known for their engine-uity. If youre interested in reading train jokes one-liners, then take a closer look at the following list! Suddenly the train crashed, where would the survivors be buried?Nowhere, they are the survivors! Have a look at our Editors Choice of the top 4 funniest T-shirts for men. Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. 67 Train Puns And Jokes To Derail Any Conversation! 100 + of the Best Laffy Taffy Jokes. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said: "You rest here while I register - I'll be back within an hour." I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Hes my arch enemy.I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. Ive always been driven by the joy of monorails.Well, one thing Ill say about ticket inspectors is that youve certainly got to hand it to them.Reading between the lines can be extremely dangerous, particularly if you are at a train station.I handed in my notice today and left my job as a newspaper reporter. Looking for train jokes and jokes about trains? 94. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.Congratulations, the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks." The realist sees a freight train.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_20',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. He isnt strong enough to lift either of them.What do you call a train that likes toffee?A chew-chew train.A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. There will be no time for you not to laugh uncontrollably. A bulldozer; Why don't trees use the train? When he picked up the lantern and began cleaning it, naturally, a genie suddenly appeared. Basically, theyre always up to something and theyll definitely enjoy the message on this grey T-shirt. After that, I picked up the pace quickly. It leaves tracks.No one would ever find out how hard he trained because he never got a platform to share it.A locomotive conductor can only think of one thing at a time. Every time we go over a railroad crossing, I tell my kids, Hey, a train just went by!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_5',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); Because its tracks are still here!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_8',661,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_9',661,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_3');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. The police made him give it back.I swear train conductors never get in trouble. Ive been meaning to make a list of bad railroad punsbut I keep getting side tracked. Train: A train is a form of rail transport consisting of a series of connected vehicles that generally run along a railroad (or railway) track to transport passengers . Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? 5.-. All rights reserved. Yo mama so dirty, her house was mistaken for a landfill. Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?A: Platform shoes! The train was about to pull out of the station. Lets check them out! Posted February 7, 2004. A man called a taxi company in Waterford (Sth Ireland) and said Can you help me? He asked for the banana but we didnt give it to him, we swear! says one of the guards. It trained every day.Why did the train thief camouflage the railway? Its an electric train. you find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when youre watching old cop shows and movies on TV. How about something else?The train fan thought a moment and said, I wish all the Amtrak trains would run on schedule.The genie rolled his eyes. Being a train conductor requires you to get up early in the morning. I cant help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since. 45. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. A lady passenger got off the train at the newly built standard gauge railway station at Jamestown, with a child in her lap and 2 suitcases. The dispatcher responds by asking him what road he works for The engineer is a little upset and snaps What difference does that make?Well, the dispatcher drawls, if you work for the BN its 2 pm; if you work for the UP it is 1400; if you work for the NFS the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 2; and if you work for Amtrak its Tuesday!. In the good old days, all the conductors were a little loco and full of self e-steam.No matter where you are, youll never see happy railroad tracks. The conductor has never missed a day of work in over 20 years on the job. A few years ago, I decided to visit my sister who was living in France. 97. Since you have freed me from the lantern, you can make a wish, the genie who was attired in coveralls and an engineers hat announced.I thought genies always granted three wishes, the railfan said.Those are the lamp and bottle guys, the genie explained.The train fan nodded his understanding.Okay then lets have a request unless you want to stand around and discuss waning wizard wishes.The railfan quickly replied, I would like a railroad built to Hawaii.The genie stared at the railfan and shook his head. Q: Why can't the engineer be electrocuted? ToyTrainCenter.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.
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